Superman outsourced

Superman's job was outsourced to India. With nothing to do in US, he has come to India to work.
Mr. Chiranjiv Omi is the trade minister of India
Jai Shriram is a political party leader. His party prides Indian culture and hates western influence on the Indian society.

Superman: (Waiting outside the Civil Aviation minister office and contemplating to himself) “Up, up and away…for 20000$ less. I should just go back to Krypton and start my own venture. I’ll call it Earth Tours and Travels…”

Receptionist: Sir, you can go in now. Mr. Omi is free. And by the way, where did you buy those sexy stretch trousers from? I would love to own a pair.

Superman: This one? Oh! I got this one right here…from Fashion Street. They outsourced clothes manufacturing during Christopher’s time itself, you know.

(Superman walks into the office. Mr. Jai Shriram is sitting opposite Mr. Omi.)

Mr. Omi: Good morning Mr. Superman. How are you?

Superman: Hello Mr. Omi…I am fine. Just some dizziness...

Mr. Omi: Oh is it? Troubled by Jetlag?

Superman: No Sir. I guess I am not used to flying in India…banged into 3 telephone poles and got entangled into an electric supply line before landing straight into a pothole next to a slum…

Jai Shriram: Omi ji, this is why I hate these firangs. They see only 4Ps in India – Poles, Potholes, Power…the lack of it actually…and Poverty. I told you we can give this job to our He-man Dharminder sahib…

Mr. Omi: Pardon me for his comments Mr. Superman. Please meet Mr. Jai Shriram. He is the leader of a political party called Rang De Kesariya. The party owns 50% stake in the BPO which bought your company.

Superman: Hello Mr. Shriram. It is a pleasure meeting you.

Jai Shriram: Jai Shri Ram, Mr. Superman…

Superman: Oh I am sorry. I didn’t know you like to be addressed by your full name Sir…

Jai Shriram: No, no…“Jai Shri Ram” is also a way of saying “Good Morning” here Mr. Superman. It is also our party’s motto, slogan and election campaign promise.

Mr. Omi: Gentlemen, sorry to interrupt, but I think we should get to work now. Mr. Superman, we will start with you. What are your expectations from your role in India?

Superman: Well…I am sorry…I haven’t ever thought about this over the years. I just kept going after the villains without contemplating if that is what I really wanted to do in life. But now that you ask me…Let me think. (Pause) First and foremost I want to rid India of corruption in all departments. Secondly, I want to improve infrastructural facilities and finally, I want to solve the Kashmir issue by talking to both sides. And yes…I really won’t mind if an odd Bollywood movie offer comes my way!

Mr. Omi: Not even 2 hours in India and you are already talking like a politician, Mr. Superman. (Everyone laughs) What can I say? We had slightly different plans for you. Shriram ji would you like to explain?

Jai Shriram: Why not? Look Mr. Superman. There are already many people trying and failing at what you want to achieve. We don’t want to waste your superpowers. Infact we want to put you to the best possible use for Indian society.

Superman: That sounds great. What will be my responsibilities?

Jai Shriram: For the first six months, Mr. Superman, you will be on probation...

Superman: On probation? What about all my years of experience in the sky?

Mr. Omi: I am afraid flying in the US sky doesn’t count as relevant work experience in India. So all we want is that you prove yourself at basic tasks before we move you on to bigger responsibilities.

Superman: Go on…

Jai Shriram: You will begin with a campaign to save fuel. We intend to use you to propel all airplanes which are used by our party members to commute domestically. Analysts say that we will save over 500,000 litres of aviation fuel this way…

Superman: So you are saying I switch from a world saving role to being a chauffeur?

Mr. Omi: Look at it this way. If you succeed at this task, you will be promoted to propel commercial flights to their destinations. We will then use State transport buses instead of Boeings to fly passengers. So much Government money will be saved, which will then be used for social betterment.

Jai Shriram: Indian people are happy. Mr. Omi is happy. I am happy. Shriram ji is happy.

Superman: Why do u refer to yourself twice?

Jai Shriram: Arey. Shriram ji is also a great Indian God. Our ultimate goal is to make him happy.

Superman: Pardon me again for my ignorance. (PAUSE) Fine, I agree with you till now. But will I be flying buses all my life?

Jai Shriram: Of course not. After we have saved enough fuel to last us for 100 years, you will be honored with a post in the Indian Air Force…

Superman: Now that’s something exciting. The Indian Air Force! “Air Chief Marshal Superman”. I will strategize air attacks on enemies, lead air force jets in the event of a war and win accolades…

Mr. Omi: Actually Mr. Superman, we were thinking more in lines of you propelling MIG-21s and Sukhois. You will prevent the death of so many MIG pilots in crashes. Needless to say Shriram ji will be happy again.

Superman: Yes, absolutely. If lives are saved, even Jesus Christ will be happy …not only Shriramji…

Mr. Omi: I think I confused you. I was referring to our Shriram ji. His son is a MIG pilot in the Air Force.

Jai Shriram: I am pleased that you like what we have proposed. But before we sign the contract, I want to make you aware of some code of conduct that you will have to follow when you work for our company.

Superman: Sure sir…Go ahead. I want to be a “code of conduct” role model to all Indian youngsters…

Jai Shriram: COC #1 – No underwear over pants: Get rid of it or wear it inside. We don’t want opposition party to impose vulgarity allegations on us…

Superman: But sir, that’s the way I have been all these years…

Jai Shriram: If you are really uncomfortable with this, you could consider wearing boxers instead of a frenchie. That’s the best I can do. Also, boxers will also give you more flight control…

Superman: I don’t believe this…

Jai Shriram: COC #2 – You will change your uniform colour from blue to saffron…

Superman: Why saffron? You might as well change it to pink. That way I will be able to validate the rumors of me being gay…

Jai Shriram: COC #3 – You will have to take off your shoes whenever you fly over a temple…

Superman: I think I will just fly with naked feet from now on…

Jai Shriram: And finally COC #4 – You would be aware that majority of the Indian population speaks only Hindi. So, for the benefit of the society at large, you will be called “Shaktiman” starting today.

Superman: Shaktiman? What the hell does that mean?

Mr. Omi: “Power man”. We gave 10 million $ to a brand consultancy for this name change exercise. And all of us are very pleased with the result…

Superman: But there is already a superhero called Power Man in the US. Weren’t there any copyright/trademark issues?

Mr. Omi: Our name is in Hindi, Mr. Superman. No conflicts of interest whatsoever. And anyways Shriram ji’s BPO is planning to buy the company which owns Power Man. We need someone to push the trains too.

Superman: Huh…When do I start?

Jai Shriram: Haven’t you heard what a great Indian saint has said in a song…(Superman responds in a negative). ”Right here right now!”…Your new uniform is waiting in the adjacent room. My private jet is parked outside. You will be taking me to party headquarters in Mumbai…

(Superman goes out of the room singing “I am leaving on a jet plane”)